Friday, August 19, 2011


Special thanks to Garth Simms, who passed this along...

Here is the glorious winner:
1.  When his .38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder.  He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again.  This time it worked!

And now, the honourable mentions:

2.  The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company.  The company, expecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself.  He tried the machine and he also lost a finger.  The chef's claim was approved.

3.  A man, who shovelled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago, returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space.  Understandably, he shot her.

4.  After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped.  Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride.  He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.  The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5.  An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train.  When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6.  A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change.  When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided.  The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving his $20 bill on the counter.  The total amount of cash he got from the drawer... $15.  [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?]

7.  Seems an Arkansas man wanted some beer pretty badly.  He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run.  So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window.  The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious.  The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas.  The whole event was caught on videotape.

8.  As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran.  The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the  snatcher.  Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher.  They put him in the car and drove back to the store.  The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her.  That's the lady I stole the purse from."

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash.  The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order.  When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast.  The man, frustrated, walked away. [*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]

10.  When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street by sucking on a hose, he got much more than he bargained for.  Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage.  A  police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake.  The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

In the interest of bettering mankind, please share these with friends and family....unless of course one of these individuals by chance is a distant relative or long lost friend.  In that case, be glad they are distant and hope they remain lost.

***Remember..... They walk among us, they can reproduce.. and they vote!!

STACKHOUSE SOAPBOX (Yorkton This Week August 17)

Thursday, August 18, 2011


How many players have been benched through the first eight games?  Very, very few?  None?  To me, the first thing to do for change is to sit some regulars.  It doesn't matter how good or bad the back-ups are.  The result couldn't possibly be worse.

Anyone in management that built a game plan around Andy Fantuz and/or John Chick coming back from the NFL should be fired.  You don't bank on what 'might be'.  What 'might be', could also be what 'might never be'.

For the most part, I'm okay with the play of Darian Durant.  He's had a couple of games where receivers have really let him down.  The 117-yard interception return for a touchdown against Calgary last week was one that he took a lot of heat for, but the reality is that there were 12 players on the field that could've made a tackle over the course of the 117 yards.  To me, if your quarterback passes for 384 yards and a couple of majors, then you should win.  Leave Durant alone.

I'm not one of these people saying fire Doug Berry.  Berry's offense has put up some pretty good numbers the last two weeks.  In fact, you could convince me that Berry might be an okay choice as a head coach.  I loved the hard ball he played with Troy Westwood when Westwood couldn't kick a football from his front step to the sidewalk.  What a number of these players need right now is some real tough love.  Sit or else.  I think Berry would do that.  Still, I'm in the minority on this and I don't expect anyone to agree with me.  But, consider the dropped passes are the biggest problem when it comes to offense.  That's not an offensive co-ordinator's fault.  Further, the offensive line hasn't exactly been stellar for Durant either.  It got old in a hurry.

Weston Dressler deserves a raise.  This is a mess, but Dressler isn't part of it.  He should be excused from any of the criticism leveled against this team.  He hustles on every play, makes big catches, and has adapted nicely in the absence of Fantuz.

Whether you point the finger at Ken Miller, Brendan Taman, or Jeremy O'Day is not important; but the depth on this team has disappeared.  Look around the league at the former Riders who are decent players.  From Renauld Williams to Daniel Francis to Jamel Richardson to Joe Sykes to Kevin Glenn.  A lot of the starters on this Rider team became starters after serving time as a back-up.  

There is talk that there are no leaders on this team.  Well, Chris Szarka was told to take a walk.  Luc Mullinder spoke up and he's out of town.  It appears as though Tad Kornegay was a stronger personality and he's been ordered to pack his bags.  Anymore volunteers to be a leader?

Fans should not stand for this.  Stop going to games, stop buying the overpriced merchandise, and demand accountability.  From where I am watching, I see no accountability.  If the New York Yankees were in last place, they'd make some huge changes.  And, the Roughriders are the Yankees of the CFL.  No matter what anyone tells you about the salary cap.  Money buys a lot of things, including a way around the cap.

My good friend Ron Irvine of Access 7 says the best solution is to fire Greg Marshall and tell Ken Miller he's going back to his old job.  After all, this is mainly Miller's mess so he can clean it up.  Give him until the end of the year to do it.  If he can't, then he's gone too.  I couldn't agree more.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011


I suppose what's happened here is a guy is parking on the sidewalk, under a tree so that his truck doesn't get rained on.

What are your thoughts on this?

Saturday, August 6, 2011


I'll be brief.

They suck.

Yes, it's the coaches fault.  Yes, it's the players fault.  Most of all, it's management's fault for allowing this organization that, after 97 laughable years, finally rose to the top of the CFL only to fall splat on its face to be the laughingstock once again.